Dae'Ja Henderson's Memoir

Alyssa Lopez, For someone so disliked, she has a beautiful soul and a very strong aura. 5’3, and for a short young lady she has an empowering voice. Olive skin that complements her dark brown almond-shaped eyes and curly, mid-length light brown hair. Beautiful, graceful yet judged so harshly by the people around her at a young age for simply being misunderstood. A young woman full of opinions and isn't afraid to speak up about them, I mean it. If she thinks you're wrong or thinks differently she's gonna tell you but tries to understand your point of view, most times to explain to you why you're wrong. And the very few times you are right, she’s never been one to be ignorant and accepts her faults with grace. But not all faults can be accepted so easily. A woman who's struggled with insecurities as most people our age do bully and broken down to her lowest points. But despite that, she fought to find that inner happiness, because she realized, and faster than most, that all she ever needed was herself. She’s an acquired taste, so I guess I’m one of the few who for some odd reason think it’s not bad at all. One of the things you have to get used to about her is her brutal honesty, but I honestly appreciate her for it. Which is why this conversation meant a lot to me. I walked into the only constant class we had together for the last three years and was already in a bad mood because I was sure I had failed a test for a class I was already failing. The orchestra room always smelt like a scent I can only seem to describe as “clean”. I sat next to her in a sulky mood. She immediately noticed and asked me “What’s wrong”. I was tired you could tell by the way I was slouching, giving delayed responses, and zoning out. I go “Nothing” because I'm not in the mood to talk. Or even headspace, I was too focused on my failing classes and the voice in my head telling me I was always gonna be a failure for the rest of my life. And I don’t know how she does it, but she always seems to know. She puts down her violin and turns to me in her chair which was right next to mine. “ Then why do you look so sad”, she says. I go “I'm fine” but she knew I wasn't. So she says “ Are you sure?” in a tone that would suggest she wouldn’t ask again. And again I say “nothing”. “Okayyyyy'' she goes. But at the last minute, I realize I do wanna talk about it. So I tell her about it. How I’ve never cared this much about my grades but for some reason today, I do. And she says to me “ Well if you feel like you aren't doing good enough or your best, then maybe you should start”. “Don’t you think that’s what I’m trying to do?” I say. Then I pause and look down at the gray static looking floor and say “ I just don’t know where to start”.She looks at me with that mother look she does when she's about to say something serious and says “Your problem is you don’t apply yourself which is why you’re failing, I think you do know where to start but won’t, and why? I can’t figure out”.what I say next is the truth. What I say next is “It’s because I don't believe I can”. And that’s when she looks me in my eyes and says “I believe In you, and i” ll believe in you until you can believe in yourself”, then turns and continues to get ready for class. That made me think. Think about how I’m never pushing myself, never really trying. I”m not sure if she meant to, but that day she made me realize that If I tried I could do anything, and all I needed was some faith. In this sense I've always thought of our relationship as mother and daughter, she had a lot to teach and I had a lot to learn. But like most kids at first, they never listen to their patients, it’s only after the fact they realize they were right. Like Alyssa and I, I never realized she was right about applying myself and trying after I nearly failed that grade. In just one day she taught me all I needed to know to set me on the right track. To believe in me, to always give my all, to never give up. She gave me the relief of having someone in my corner to tell me when I was wrong, pat me on the back when I was right, encourage me when I lost, and cheer me on when I won. If she could do all this in a day imagine all she’s done in the last three years. She’s strong and more opinionated than most. She’s the type of character that you’ll be glad you got to know. Because of her, I’ve learned that if I’m there myself I’ll never need anyone else. She morphed my character and helped me graduate from an immature child with no vision or drive into a sophisticated individual with morals in goals. The funny part is I think I've always been this way, and I'm grateful she came in my life and helped me see the better part of me. I’ve grown in ways I couldn’t imagine, more mature than I ever thought I could be. Something I’ve struggled with myself is never thinking I was good enough and it didn't matter what I did I could never be good enough. But something we taught each other is that we were right. We’ll never be good enough. Not until we learned to love ourselves. The highlights and the downfalls. It’s been a long time coming, and quite honestly still going but I think it's safe to say we’re on the right path. Learning to love who we are as individuals because if you don’t think you’re good enough no one else will. And I'll never forget who was by my side all these years through every up and down. The young woman I could count on and who taught me that very impactful life lesson. Always and forever, my Alyssa.